The Essence of Handling Transitions
There comes a time in everyone’s lives when they have to go through this peculiar situation known as “The Transition”. An event that could be very significant or highly humdrum to any given individual. To put it simply, it’s all about the change that one person undergoes when he or she has to end something that has been going on for sometime, or when they have to move on from one situation to another, or from one event to another or maybe even from one place to another. Ever heard anyone say any of the following:
- “I can’t even think of moving to a whole different place”
- “I really need a makeover. I’ve been stuck in this rut for far too long”
- “I need a fresh start” etc etc etc?
Yup, you are looking at someone staring at a transition.
The cutest part of any particular transition is when the individual may not realize the kind of changes that he or she might have to put up with when they have to undergo the said changes. These changes could be anything, ranging from mental to physical effects. They could be often misunderstood or neglected, which makes the person end up in something known as “resilience to change”. This is observed when they are too comfortable with what is the current state of their mind, body and/or life itself and they dread the notion of any factor changing to a point where they have re-adjust to it.
Transitioning from one aspect of life to another has different kinds of impact, depending on the individual. If one person is thrilled to shift from his home base and work as a volunteer for a whole year in Germany, another person might feel hopelessly horrified at the thought of getting up early on a Sunday morning and heading out for a brief cycling session. Like I said earlier, any change can be of significance or be totally workaday.
The problem with transitions arises when it impacts one’s life so much, that they need to start from ground zero and then work to create something equivalent to whatever was done so far in the previous phase. For some people, this is a living nightmare. Even as I speak, I am staring at a clutter on my desk that was once an idyllic system of order: books, pen stand, laptop, money-plant (Devil’s Ivy) in a bottle. Now, it’s a 14-months old mess that somehow finds a new order in my life and I dread the amount of work to be put in to reset the entire order. And that is a key factor in this problem- the kind of comfort you establish with something and hating the kind of effort that has to be put in to undergo the transition… and then accept that transition.
Change and the Need-Want Paradigm
While we speak of the issue that people have with transition, we have to ask this question — “Is change really necessary? If so, then how much of a change?”
Now that, is the root of everything.
An individual’s life is a constant ambivalent existence of energy. We do so many things on a daily basis, apart from the regular bodily functions. Even if we are creatures of habit, we still involve and indulge ourselves in things that we are keen to do. The point where what we do and what we ought to do lies depends on 3 things:
- What we need
- What we want, and
- What is needed of us
We have all heard of the staple needs of a person — “Food, clothing and shelter”; they remain as the fundamental necessities of a person. The secondary set of needs is what a person does in his or her life that could fulfill the primary set of needs, AKA a job and/or any relevant activity that provides for it.
These are needs that we have spoken about. Our wants are technically our desires that go beyond the parameters of our primary and secondary needs and it’s something that’s more indulgent in nature. Needing something could be a want, but its very rare that a want would coincide with a need. This is the point where most people get confused and they end up deciding and/or doing things that might not have been in their best interests. This is where understanding the change is key and if they don’t fully understand it and act accordingly, they regret the change and the transition is now a difficult thing to undergo with.
Most often we do not consider what is required of us for somebody else or a cause, or we don’t look at the larger picture. People are primarily self-driven, owing to the needs-wants paradigm. This, if taken to an altogether new level, can change into selfishness too. And due to this, it takes some amount of work to understand what we are liable to or responsible for. This also impacts an individual and the kind of transition that the person may have to undergo. An individual who has dreams of doing a specific thing but has to keep it aside and pursue something else that could enable him/her to fulfill their responsibilities? That is a transition which might be a very bitter pill to swallow.
In all of these scenarios, it becomes very important to understand the degree of the need or want or responsibility and it’s impact on the person’s life from multiple perspectives. It becomes crucial to not be carried away solely by the impact it causes on the individual alone. An individual is like a lake- no matter where you drop the stone, the ripples are felt by anything and everything that are in the confines of the lake. We have a certain impact or influence on people or things that are bound to us. The line where “I” or “You” or any other form of pronoun meet or crossover solely relies on the kind of decisions and actions we undertake and the kind of change we are willing to undergo.
How to handle or endorse the transition?
More often than not, the reason we can’t accept something that is different from the usual flow of things is because we are not used to it, and our minds may not be conditioned to welcome such a change so easily. This could range from an ideological shift of things to even changing the usual tea brand. It becomes especially hard for people who are creatures of habit- a change that could be habit-altering might be the last thing they want in their lives. What needs to happen in order to entertain the possibility of a transition?
A broader perspective.
It is essential to change. The mind must be ready to at least entertain the possibility of change and give itself some space, so that if and when the change happens, it can test the new waters and accordingly figure out the parameters of the change as far as the individual is concerned:
- Is this change going to affect my daily life?
- Is this change a good change or a bad change?
- If I am not able to agree with the change, can I find reason and logic in it first? Then can I see the benefit?
- If I can agree to the change, what does it affect in my life? How many of my other activities (passion, responsibilities, etc.) is it going to affect?
- Is the change worth all the effort?
- Will this change negatively affect anyone that I am bound to and/or I am responsible for?
It is the consideration of these questions that gives a person a nice start, as far as facing a transition is considered. This is especially crucial for someone who is undergoing a midlife crisis. It is all these things that we have spoken so far that, if not thought through properly and patiently, can create havoc in one’s life. Trust me, I’ve been a witness to it.
A broader point of view ensures that the individual will look at things from different angles, apart from their primary way of thinking. It could mean putting themselves in the shoes of someone else, or considering the chain reaction of the transition that they are considering and etc.
In the end, it all boils down to how much can a person be open to things and how much can they consider with patience, logic and empathy.
Never will it be an easy process, to breezily and bravely say “Yes! Let’s do this!” if the person has thought it through. They would say it considerately, because they have understood the complete ambit of the change they are about to commit themselves to.
Change is the natural order of every thing that a human mind and senses can perceive. Entropy is bound to happen- it is the willingness and the capacity of the person to persevere that pushes them through to accept the change and be at peace with the transition and move onward to the new phase.
So! The next time you face a transition, what are the things that you will do?
